Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
