Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
