What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
