No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
