Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
