You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
