but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
