I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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