I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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