when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
