I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
So much rum. So many feels.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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