I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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