nutella sex= disaster
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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