On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize