I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
