Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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