SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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