Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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