mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I want a musical about memes.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
