He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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