what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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