Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
