I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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