The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
