If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
