he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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