Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
