his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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