The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
