man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize