...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
