Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
