Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
