Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
