i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
