I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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