Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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