his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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