Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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