Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
