I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
