so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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