Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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