she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
