I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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