Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
