last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
