Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
