and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
