member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
