is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have post one night stand depression
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
