When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
