I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
