He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
