At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
