and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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