so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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