I wish I could teleport
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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