i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
