my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize