i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
