my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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