A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
