Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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