I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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