She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
