u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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