So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
