I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
