onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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