i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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