# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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