Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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