If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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