so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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