using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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