I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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