you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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