if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
