hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
