I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
