update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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