nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
