Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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