Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Randomize
