Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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