You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
