I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Randomize
