so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
