So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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