Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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