spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
