i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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