Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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