UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
