ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
