meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
