Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
